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I give you my heart...

Appreciating Failures as Lessons...and Working Out Your Strengths...

Today I went to see the film, "One Chance." (The Britain's Got Talent Movie). I don't want to give away the plot, even though it's a bit obvious before you go. It still draws you into the story, so knowing how it ends isn't off putting, because the main character's journey is the inspiring part.

This film has inspired me to do something I would normally not encourage myself to do, which is point out all my failings. I view my mistakes and failures very differently these days and even view bullying towards me very differently as well. When someone bullies me now, I think it's happening because I had the courage to be different and the courage to be myself.


When I was born, apparently I was a mistake. I was born 7 years after my brother. He was never expecting a sibling.

When I was in primary school, the kids used to tease me everyday for being a, "Bible Basher!" In grade 3 I used to get beat up nearly everyday by one of my classmates...until I turned around and punched her right back in the face. (Failure to turn the other cheek).

In highschool when my world was falling apart with so much family violence, with my brother and I getting beat up and told we were stupid and would never amount to anything, my year 11 co-ordinator yelled at me, "Why do you even bother coming to school? You are wasting our time, you will never amount to anything in this world." I quit after repeating year 11 and then run away from home. I went back to highschool to finish year 12 at Hobson's Bay Secondary College, but I got bored and left before finishing.

When I was about 23 years of age, I completed my Highschool certificate which was called, VCE at the time at RMIT in Carlton. I got an award for my studies in Ancient Greek Studies and had my essay published in our end of year school magazine. (Woops, that's not a failure...Oh well, not everything should be about misery). I even made a short film that was shown at graduation, because I received an A+ for it.

After I finished highschool, I went straight to University to study an Arts Degree Majoring in Ancient Greek History... I had no idea why I had enrolled in this and shortly after had a nervous breakdown. My first. My living conditions were horrible, not worth mentioning here and I was very lonely.

I think it was the following year that I decided to go to TAFE college instead of going straight into a degree. I ended up completing an Associate Diploma of Social Sciences/Community Development at Swinburne in Prahran. I only finished that because I had a friend force me to do it. I wasn't good at finishing things, it was nice to have my first taste of positive encouragement.

After completing that Diploma I failed at completing a Degree in Community Development, a Degree in Welfare and a Degree in Women's Studies. (So I've studied at Swinburne Uni, the University of Western Sydney and Macquarie Uni)... But then I went and finished my Bachelor of Theology at Tabor College in Malvern.

A lot of things have gone wrong for me in my life, but it's not because I haven't tried to make myself a better person and make something of my life.

I finished my Bachelor of Theology because for the first time in my life I had friends. They prayed for me and they always gave me positive encouragement. I've never felt so blessed in my whole life. Tears well up everytime I think of the love and support I have received at Tabor. (I think I really miss them and the rhythm of college life).

There are more failures, but I don't want to depress you all too much.

I need to celebrate these failures, because it shows me that I have never given up hope and even though I have more failures than trophies, I'm still here.  It shows me that I am strong and the fact that I can view it all so differently means that I have developed resilience.  It takes a lot to offend me.  This skill is important when you are someone who comes up with new ideas and creative projects.  There will always be haters, but if you have a good idea and the support you need to get it off the ground, nothing can stop you achieving that goal.

I don't know what God's got planned for me, but I look forward to the next chapter.  Seriously God, this feeling of limbo isn't fun, please give me my next adventure.  I know you want me to trust you and I know you want me to take the time to rest in you, I'm just not very good at waiting and I'm not very good at being still...

This is a picture of me when I was about 3 years old, a gorgeous and spectacular mistake, who is actually really loved like crazy by her parents who don't know how to express it and is loved by her friends, who is sometimes too shy to organise a time to catch up with.  I do public speaking better than I do one on ones... Oh well I'll get there. I wont stop trying. :)

mum and marylou

My mum actually looks more loving and proud rather than disappointed at my existence there.  Lol.


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