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Positive Self Talk...

I haven't been inspired to write for ages, in fact I've been quite sick, fighting against the heat and lethargy, due to a hormonal imbalance that means that I require some day surgery, that couldn't come any sooner...  (Waiting for the public system to do it's thing).

I have been doing my best to push against the tiredness, by keeping up some daily exercise, eating well and daily prayer.  None of this is easy for me and this is what I wanted to journal about.

My parents, in their right are lovely people who get along with everyone.  They do a lot for the community, and most people have great respect for them.  However my upbringing is something that I fight against daily.  My parents have become people that I almost get along with and this is a miracle and I'm grateful for it.  Everyday I pray that God will stop me from reliving old scripts over and over again.  Healing comes slowly and sometimes painfully.  Transformation is definitely painful but rewarding, so I endure it as much as I can to improve myself and feel like I might be able to achieve something in this world.  I also fight against the bad food that my mother ate while she was pregnant with me and what she fed me when I was growing up.  All of these experiences contribute to my physical and mental health, as well as my daily experience of interactions with other people and what I achieve in life.

I think more than anything I just wanted to write one thing.

My parents get very upset when I tell them about all the abuse I received as a child.  They do not want to take responsibility for anything that they said or did that contributes to all the negative stuff that happens to me now.  So here is what they didn't do that could have contributed to me being a highly successful person.

Just for a moment I'm going to pretend that my parents were, supportive, loving, positively encouraging and interested in my mental health.

I wish that they fostered positive friendships with other children at school instead of chasing them all away.  I wish that they saw potential in me to do great things and supported me through achieving these great things...

I'll pretend that they only fed me healthy food that nourished my body and then told me to go out and play outside, instead of sitting me in front of the telly eating comfort foods that kept me quiet and lonely.

I know I'm not the only person that has had a bad childhood.  I'm just saying that... well... I'm taking responsibility of my own actions now.  Patiently waiting for my surgery date to be set and doing the things that I know will help me become the person I want to be in this world.

Also learning from my parents mistakes and raising my daughter differently.

Here's a photo of me hugging myself.  Lol.  Kind of fits the mood.  PS:... I'm graduating in March.  :D  Marylou Lovely Bth.  :D  (Well done Marylou, God will use you in ways you can't even imagine, well done).  :)

God bless. xhug


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